Starting Afresh; Let It All Be New

Its Been Awhile~

2009-07-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

~ well, its been awhile since I last blogged *looks at the date of my last post* god damn it... it was back in 2008! crap.. guess i really have neglected this blog for a long while... sorry blog, will try to update you once in awhile alright? *ang gu gu ang gu gu - sayang*

~ during the time when i was, erm, not updating my blog, lotsa things have happened (why does this sound so much like my previous blog =.='.. guess this shows that i have a tendency to neglect my blog... @.@! ). for instance, i passed EOS7!!! GOD DAMN IT!!! I BLOODY PASSED IT!!! its a bloody hard exam and i errr... blanked out during my clinical exams so it was a relieved that i actually passed the exam and actually scored distinction in one of the stations! YEAH! anyways, thats the past. coming up next in a few months time is EOS9... sigh, time really flies, it feels just like yesterday when i was just preparing for my finals... well, i hope that this time around, i will not have the same problems like last time and i promised that i will work doubly hard this time around! *makes mental note to not go DotA later... wait... i think i just promised them... not good to back out last minute right? right?...*

~ apart from passing my EOS7, i also conquered mount kinabalu! it might not be the tallest mountain in the world, but at least it is still within the top 3 in south east asia! HOHOHO! that itself is an acomplisment! <---- the fact that i know it is top 3! anyways, the view on the top is simply breathtaking! it is definately worth the climb of 10 hours in total! YESH!!! and since i am already at borneo, i also dropped by sarawak to do my selectives and took every oppurtunity to travel around this wonderful place of the cats. (hrm... come to think of if, i saw more dogs than cats in sarawak =.= wierd... so much for being called kuching...)

~ well, i really do hope that from now on, i will be able to update this blog on a regular basis. maybe not as frequent as those professional blogger, but definately not as rarely as i used to. wish me luck in keeping this resolution!

Hiatus

2008-11-18T22:26:00.000-08:00

~ its been a long time since i last wrote anything on my blog, not even uploading pictures or songs or any interesting video clips for the matter... *looks back at the previous post* yup... it has been around 1 month plus plus since i last updated my blog. sorry guys! i know that there are people who still visits my blog coz i have people questioning me suspiciously for my lack of blogging... *looks angrily at plurk* its the plurk la!!! really... it just takes away all my urge to blog anymore =.= *stares at plurk... ping! someone commented!!! quickly opens my plurk window...* so much for being angry at it... ish ish... =.=

~ anyways, alot have happened during the 1 month hiatus. been through the whole obstetric posting and is now currently posted in the female psychiatric ward; rushing through various works and activities; went visiting to melaka yet again - but this time at least we had a tour guide of a laosu - doesn't seem to help much does it... its a rodent =.=...; a sudden visit from my dad and youngest bro (he is so freaking cute!!! *pinches bro's cheek*) and many other lil things here and there... all in all it has been a hectic and fun-filled month. so totally worth the 31 days it came with ;p

~ obstetric posting was awesome! it was surprisingly the most interesting posting i have been posted to! despite the packed schedule and hectic flow of events everyday for the week, it seems to perk an interest in me that none of the previous postings manage to... not even paedeatrics that i always wanted to specialise in... weird but welcoming nevertheless.

~ our daily ritual starts at around 6.45am, where we are suppose to be in our respective wards to cover it in time to follow the specialist ward rounds (most ot the time it is our lecturer) at around 7.30am. by default, we have around 6-7 patients each but if we are lucky the head count might reduce on the day of clerking due to the high turn over rate of obstetric wards.

[before i continue, i must explain that obstetric is a very special posting, because unlike any other postings where we are dealing with sickly patients plagued by different diseases, the mothers in wards 1a and 1b are all healthy individuals most of the time. and adding to that is the fact that at every one time, we are dealing with 2 lives instead of one and these just makes obstetric a very strict and no-nonsence postings where we take into account everyting and makes sure that not even one mistakes or problems are overlooked (of coz, we do uphold the same principles in other wards but in the obstetric wards, it is more than overly emphasised as any mortality or morbidity that occurs in these wards are greatly frowned upon... and is more disgraceful than anything we can ever think of as more disgraceful...=.= wtf, what am i talking about =.=).]

~anyways, after the long (it is LONG) specialist rounds, where inevitably we will all be used as target practice by our lecturers and by the end of the day suffer from a great loss in self esteem... we can either choose to go to the labour room to hunt down as many procedures to be done as possible or stay back in the wards to further clerk our patients if we have not finished by then. but most of the time, by the time the ward round is over, we would have to rush back to our campus to attend our almost daily seminars on various topics covered during this posting. (to be honest, your day will be made much worse if you had to cover the wards in the morning for one of our notorious lecturer and then present a seminar topic to our even worse nightmare later in the day T.T... gah... come to think of it, is obs really that fun T.T). lunch time is not something we can look forward to, coz by the time everything ended, and we finally set our foot in the chapati corner... there is usually NOTHING left!!! ok so maybe i exagerated... there are still some chunks of bones here and there, littered with tiny bits of veges and beans... =.= (no wonder i lost weight during this posting... i'm suppose to GAIN weight NOT lose them... T.T) anyways, right after our short lunch break, we have to rush of to another seminar again, which usually ends quite late... so if we happen to have our on-call duty that day, we would have to rush straight to the labour room after that... (but those who couldn't care less by the time the seminar is over would just go home and rest till dinner is over, then only will they make their grand entrance into the labour room... ok, fine... i was guilty of it too... on few occaissions... ish ish). if you think our day is over after our on-call ends at 11pm? nope... you are far from wrong... when we reach home, we have to get ready for our seminars the next day and read up on all the questions that our lecturers asked us earlier in the day... if we are lucky, we get to sleep by 1am... if not... sorry lo... you will now join the ranks of the world's endangered species of pandas!!!

~ all said and done, i still enjoyed obstetric posting alot. i really can't pin point the main reasons it is so appealing to me... is it the fact that we get to feel the miracle of life everyday when a baby is born? is it the smile on our face or the warmth in our heart whenever a baby is born safely? (omg, i can't tell you how much for once i was so very the much looking forward for the baby to cry!!! CRY baby CRY!!! T.T everytime the baby took sometime to cry... i will start to worry and i will feel a fear creeping up upon me... but im happy to say that i have yet to see any still births yet... amen!!! but i did witness a miscairrage... sob sob) or is it the tears of joy i see from the 1st time mothers after their baby was presented to them after the delivery? or the smile of relief from the dad who came in to accompany his wife right BEFORE he faints... (hihi)? or the proudness i feel in the mothers when i clerk them? or or could it be the time when i was doing the abdominal examination and i actually felt the baby kick!!! and i go OMG THE BABY KICKED!!! and smiling like a foolish idiot before realising that all my friends were laughing at me? hahahaha i don't know man... i really have no slightest idea why i like obstetric so much... but i just do @.@V

~ anyways, obstetric is now all in the past and i'm now in the psychiatric posting... hopefully everything will go well and hopefully i will like psychiatric posting too ;p but i sincerely think that nothing can ever beat obstetric ;p HIHI!!!

p/s: for once i had the urge to study!!! all because its the obstetric posting!!! hahaha i think i'm giving obs too much credit! hahaha but who cares ;p

OMFG!!! The BEST Prank Call EVER!!!

2008-10-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

~ just listen... LISTEN AND LAUGH LIKE HELL!!!

~ mike: i'm at work...
mabe: you're at work?
mike: yes...
mabe: you being a smart ass?
mike: no sir...
mabe: let me put it to you this way mike. say i want to mail you ass a letter. what would i have to put on the outside of the envelope to ensure that the mail man would deliver it right to your ass? geographically speaking mike, where is work?
mike: 40 west...

LMFAO!!! classic man... classic...

p/s: one day, if i ever get the chance... i will do this man!!! *flips*

Testing New Comment System - Disqus (Edited)

2008-10-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

~ wonder how this works...

edited:
~ roughly figured out how it works. guess i wouldn't be tweaking the layout much. but still CAN'T upload my display picture... what a waste...

~ is currently trying to find someone to help try out the video comment thingy. looks kinda cool if you ask me... i can just imagine what its like to comment on people's blog in the future: videos after videos... replied by even more videos... swt... =.=

Regrets

2008-10-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

~ everyone have regrets somewhere along his life. one way or another, it is very hard to avoid doing things that you will come to regret in the future. even if you meticulously calculated and weigh every options you have, there are times when even after thinking so much you will still make mistakes... sometimes, these choices you made were deem correct and perfect at the time of decision making and will only manifest itself, over time, as the worse mistake you might have ever made. and these mistakes, are mistakes that you will come to regret the most.

~ i have always lived my life with one main principle, that is 'never to regret'. hence, i always try to do everything that i wanted and also try my very best never to miss any chance that will never reveal itself again. so that at the end of the day, even when things doesn't go my way i can tell myself that, hey, at least you tried. and up till now, i have yet to regret anything... or so i thought...

~ lately, it dawned to me that, looking back, i do have some regrets in my life. no matter how fully i had tried to live it, i am still human, and humans can never run from having feelings of regret. we can never be satisfied... regrets, no matter how hard you try to deny its existence, will still lurk around softly in the background, waiting for the day when you are brave enough to accept it. and lately, i think i have found some of my regrets in life.

~ one of my main regrets, that i would like to talk about, is the fact that i can't read or write chinese... although i can speak the language, quite fluetly i must say, but i can't pen it... yeah, you heard it. even bananas hate being bananas...

~ i really don't see what pride i can have being a banana... (for those who do not know what the term banana is, it means chinese who do not know their mother tongue... yellow (chinese) on the outside, white (western/speaks english) on the inside) don't get me wrong, i have banana friends who are proud of they english speaking ability - that accent that they are so very proud of - and live their life by ridiculing those chinese-educated chinese of their lack of fluency in english... o.O' seriously, sometimes i wonder if they did it to hide their own low self esteem and anger for not being able to write and converse in chinese...

~i don't really mourn over the fact that i don't know how to read or write chinese all the time but there are occaisional pangs of regrets when chinese language is involved in my daily activities. like for instance, the newspaper. there are more bananas than real dragon-blooded chinese in my university and everytime, during break, when we rush to the newspaper stand in our library to get our hands on the daily news, i can't help but notice that there will always be this one chinese language newspaper left on the stand while the other papers in english and malay were no where to be seen. it is during this kinda time that i would just feel like kicking myself in the ass for not being able to read chinese... then, i will not have to wait for the next 3o mins for the current reader to finish reading his english newspaper... grrr... then there are the subtitles for japanese movies or movies NOT in english language... most of the time, there will always be a chinese subbed version available while the english subbed ones are not out yet!!! so much for international language... heh... or the times when our non-chinese friends kindly ask us bananas to translate the chinese characters written on their clothings or books... yea, try telling them with no shame that you know not the characters written there... eff...

~ and most of all, it just sucks when you go to the karaoke with your friends and you favourite chinese songs were played and you CANNOT sing them because you do NOT know how to read CHINESE!!! EFF!!! EFF EFF EFF!!! damn, being a banana sucks big time man... sigh... if only i can go back in time and kick the 7 year-old me in the past in his ass and tell him, "look boy, if you squirm again at the next sight of chinese characters and refuse to learn them, you gonna suffer in 17 years time... so do me a favor and learn those funny looking stick characters called CHINESE and save me the suffering in the future..." *kicks the 7 year-old me in the ass*

p/s: one day, i hope i will muster enough courage to learn to read and write this language which i am supposed to know...

Been A Very Long Time

2008-09-26T22:30:00.001-07:00

~ it has been a very very very long time since i last blogged. i apologize for my lack of posts... i believe that the main reason this has happened is because of the new micro-blogging+chat+twitter widget, which i happened to stumble upon one fine day. and this new micro-blogging+chat+twitter widget, or as they would call it, PLURK is now officially one of my most frequented site!!!

~ the creator of PLURK promoted their brainchild as a social journal, and i wouldn't agree more. PLURK allows you to post your updates (we call this action 'plurking') through their website or through our mobile phone. you can plurk on almost anything, ranging from a simple statement on you current feelings "i am emoing now" to thoughts and opinions "i think PLURK is cool!". you can even seek advices and opinions on things that you are unable to make decisions about "what do you think is the best colour for a t-shirt". in short, its just like blogging!!! (thats why i kept on 'blogging'/plurking at PLURK for the past month!) =.=

~ whatever we plurked will either be displayed on our Plurk page (or in the plurkersphere, its called TIMELINE).

the nice thing about PLURK is that you get to add friends and fans to your 'community'. these are people who gets to view your feeds as you post them and the better thing about PLURK is that these people can actually comment on your plurks! which, i mus say, made it extremely interactive!

pluks and the comments

~ in the end, i think i like purking alot because it allows me to know what my friend are up to around the world and at my own free time too. the timeline actually gives it a diary kinda feeling and although i am not a diary person, it still made it feel kinda personal and homey... and the fact that you can post private post to selected people and you can choose who gets auto updates on your post at their timeline makes me give PLURK a thumb up on privacy. anyways, if anyone of you wish to join plurk, please press here : PLURK . hihi, so that i can get more karma!!! THANKS!!!

p/s: i will try to post more from today onwards... haih... plurk ah plurk... so addictive nia...

The Dark Knight Spoof By Kids...

2008-09-03T04:21:00.000-07:00

~ check this out... it is kinda funny and cute...

Christian The Lion

2008-08-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

~ it has been a long time since i last seen any touching videos that are worth posting up. i first found out about this clip from the MSN's startup page which always pop up when you open MSN. reading through the article perked my interest and i started to search youtube for the clip they mentioned about.

~ after searching high and low through the immense collection of videos on youtube, i was lucky to find the whole set of movie (real life documentary) on Christian the lion. no words can truly express what i felt after watching the videos. the kind of love and trust the lions in these videos showed to man is simply magical and touching at times... my limited vocabulary denies me the pleasure of expressing what i am feeling right now in words so i've decided to post the complete series here for you all to watch and 'feel' for yourselves. enjoy...

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

P/s: now i really really wish and can have a lion cub as a pet... rawr!!!

Hypochondriac

2008-07-29T02:09:00.000-07:00

~ hypochondriac: 1. pertaining to the hypocondrium. 2. pertaining to hypochondriasis. 3. a person with hypochondriasis.

~ hrm... so what is hypochondriasis again? hypochondriasis: a somatoform disorder characterised by a preoccupation with bodily functions and the interpretation of normal sensations or minor abnormalities as indications of serious problems needing medical attention.
*taken from dorland's pocket medical dictionary 27th edition.

~ i think all medical students are a hypochondriac to a certain degree... come on, tell me that all those disease that we are learning are not starting to get to you... all those signs and symptoms that we are memorising are not 'popping' up in your daily life...

~ ever had a really bad stomach ache and wonder if it is colon cancer? and to top it off you realised that you have blood in your stools and that your stool itself is looking uncanningly like that melena you saw the other day? or have you ever found lumps and swellings at wierd places and wonder if that is a late sign of cancer and your trail of thoughts will lead you on to remember that you had a bad flu the other day and a bad cough with fever another week before? which by then you would have honestly, if not sincerely believe that it is a sign of immunocompromise indicating late stage cancer??!!

~ its just crazy man i tell you... lately, i find that i might be 'thinking' too much... just not so long ago, i had 3 episodes of PAINLESS hematuria (blood in urine). hematuria, if it is associated with pain, is one thing... but when you have PAINLESS hematuria, it is so TOTALLY another picture all together... the differential diagnosis for hematuria alone is as follow:

renal cancer
glomerulonephritis
tubulointerstitial nephritis
polycystic kidney
papilary necrosis
urinary tract infection
trauma
kidney stones

BUT when it is just PAINLESS hematuria, automatically a medical student's thought will be like this:

renal cancer
glomerulonephritis
tubulointerstitial nephritis
trauma

and considering that i know for a fact that i did not have any trauma prior to those episodes... its left with the remaining, extremely depressing differentials... all of which is not reversible and will lead to renal failure and death eventually... (do note that im simplifying the whole process of the disease here for easy understanding of a hypochondriac's thoughts...)

~ and there are many more incidents that thoroughly provoked my now hypochondriac mind that sometimes i wonder if it is a blessing to know what to look for... *sigh* {=.=}

*so, is there any other medical students out there that can relate to me???

IMU BJ's New Library

2008-07-24T00:58:00.000-07:00

~ man... i tell you... imu bukit jalil's new library is simply awesome!!! finally, for once, i actually feel that imu bj is looking more and more like a real university - no longer the old, isolated, run down building that imu is trying to con us to believe is their campus... {=.=} come to think of it... hey! those are my money they are using to facelift the bukit jalil campus!!! evil!!! and i don't even get to use those nice facilities they added and renovated now that i am no longer a student there... grr!!! {';...;'} hate them... they just have to do the renovation after i graduated... seesh...

~ back to the library... those imu bj students now are so pampered man... one look at the new library and i know they have the best environment to study... as of now, the new library is allocated a bigger lot and is divided into a few segments: a lounge area, a study area, a discussion room area, an enclosed redspot area and an area where they stack up all the books nicely on designer racks... sic... and did i mention that all these areas are seperated by glass!!! {=.=} and to top it up, there is a pantry in the lounge area !!! together with a wide array of magazines (up to date mind you) and newspapers!!! {=.=} and and there is also rooms for you to go in and make phone calls or answer those really sudden embaressing phone calls you get when you are in the library!!! and these 'talking room' as i call them comes equiped with leather sofas and thick enough glass windows so that people can find amusement at you antics but have no freaking idea what you are talking about!!! {o.O'}

~ oh oh, im not finish yet... remember the discussion rooms area i mentioned about earlier? did i tell you that they are all glass-walled!!! fully!!! as in all the rooms are only seperated by a thin glass??! what the hell!!! one word: COOL!!! but one down side though... i think they put trust in the wrong people when they think that medical students are wise enough to abide to the 'do-not-talk-loudly-when-you-are-in-the-library-even-though-you-are-in-a-discussion-room' rule, coz although the rooms look really really cool, its just ain't the best place for discussion coz the whole library and particulary the room next door can hear whatever discussion you are having right now... so, all i can say, its a really really bad place for mushy mushy conversations... hihi

~ and you know what? they haven't even finish renovating the whole library... there is still this big lot beside the lounge area that they are still renovating, which i have totally no idea what they are going to use it for... maybe a games room? that would be cool!!! a nice new ps3 with a 32" plasma tv would definately make any guys day {@_@v} throw in a pools table and a foosball table will make it perfect for students to beat out the stress of studying whole day in the library!!! but then again... imu bj already has a student lounge with the above mentioned (except the ps3 of coz... although they do have a 21" plasma tv)... so, whatever it is for, i am definately looking forward to finding out. oh, and before i completely forget about it, the medical museum is not attached to the library. {=.=}

~ well, all i have to say, our old library, which i used to study in during sem 5 is seriously seriously a very far cry from the new library now... so to all those in bj right now: 'you lucky bastards!!!' {T.T}

p/s: hrm, do you think i will be able to convince our clinical school's dean to upgrade our library too? i wonder...

379, 380, 381... counting on and on...

2008-07-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

~ was looking at my counter and realized that although traffic has been relatively slow compared to my previous blog but it is still ticking... still counting {@_@v}... faithfully counting every visitor that visits my blog. so, my dear counter, just want to let you know, GOOD JOB!!!

Finally!!

2008-07-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

~ after so so long... finally... my blog... completed!!! the design which was meant to be up like half a year ago is FINALLY up!!! YEAH!!!

~ special thanks to the designer himself -FISH- (still never figured out why you used the nick fish...) and my housemate, fellow ninja of the rasah ninja clan, gary chia who finally helped upload my background onto my blog!!! thanks everyone!!!

Dream

2008-07-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

~ hrm, i had a very weird dream yesterday night. i dreamt of someone i have never met before... {=.=} i mean, don't we only dream of people that we have seen before; people that we know? is it even possible that our brain can suddenly make up a person that we have totally never seen before in our dream?

~ its not a creepy dream, just that it perked my interest due to the fact that i really have no clue as to who this girl is... i think she is of japanese-chinese lineage... short hair, fair feature... speaks both chinese and japanese... cute looking with a slight hint of wildness in her... there is this sparkle in her eyes that to say that they are captivating is an understatement...

~ she works as a chasier in this shop in japan that i have totally no idea what it sells but i was there with my brother... why was my brother there again? {=.=} hrm...

The Dark Knight

2008-07-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

~ "why so serious?" one quote that will definitely stick around for a long long time... the dark knight - the first batman movie to not have the name 'batman' in the title - the most anticipated movie of the year (or at least for me) is finally out and i managed to watch it this morning. and it did not disappoint me one bit! it is the darkest, most wicked, most depressing batman movie to date and i don't mind one bit! in fact, i am seriously considering to watch it a 2nd time in cinema and to top it i am going to buy the original DVD (if possible the uncut version) when it finally hits the store here in malaysia!!!

~ ohh and joker... he never looked so so wicked... insanely devilishly real!!! cunning and brilliantly dark in character and yet so sharp a mind this joker is... he plans so far ahead that its really hard to believe that once in a while you would have sworn that he looked demented... so different from the joker i had in mind, especially after watching the first batman movie of the 1980's... heath ledger definately gave joker a new breath of life and a very devillish one at it!!! everytime he appears on screen, it just makes that particular scene feel so so dark, so evil... so much that it will make you shiver with fear... {T.T} and to make things even better, his quotes are the best in the movie: "why... so... serious..?", "lets put a smile on that face", "i don't want to kill you... what would i do without you", etc. and the fact that he just officially made lips smacking and licking a totally new culture altogether after this movie is something that is worth mentioning. {=.=}

p/s: just wanna add that for once, i actually understand what people mean by being in a character of your role when you act... looking at ledger, it makes me really respect the art of acting... in fact, i honestly respect ledger's high commitment in the dark knight. i really do wish to see him being awarded the post-humonous oscar award. he deserves it...

Headaches

2008-07-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

~ had a bad headache again... sometimes i wonder why i have these headaches, these really really painful headaches... could it be due to tumor? or maybe some intracranial hemorrhage? or or to be worse could it be due to some massive infestations of maggots {=.=}... went to a doctor before and was told that it was just due to a mix of migraine and tension headache (sic) and he was even kind enough to politely refute my "i think aliens are experementing on my brain on a regular basis" theory... grr... hate headaches man... just hate it... you can't sleep, your head is throbbing with pain and when you try to stand up, the pain just gets worse...

~ it is always during these bouts of headaches that i wish there is some magical apparatus in the world that can just take the headache away... yeah, i used the word 'take' because that is exactly how i have always imagined the tool to work - literally take it away!

~ i call it the 'headache remover' {o.O'}! this extremely usefull household appliance (yeah, every household should have one... coz honestly speaking, tell me a family whose members have never experience really painful headaches before?), if it is ever made into reality should idealy work like this:

first, it will shoot out rays of photons, which if is set to vibrate at a correct frequency to resonate with the 'waves' emitted by the headache (yes, headache is a totally different entity on its own!!! or at least in my make believe world that is {=.=}) will actually SOLIDIFY the waves... however, the solidification process is made so that although it is solid, it still retains a few properties of its wave form, mainly its property to pass through the atoms of solids (confusing? nevermind, read on, maybe you will understand why, and even if you don't, its just make believe, so just use your imagination...).
second, the solid form of the headache is then REMOVED by the claws which is situated on the top of this wonderful machine. and since it retained the wave property, it can pass through your brain and skull!!! the instant solid headache is taken out from your head, viola, you are CURED!!! for the time being... until you experience another attack that is... which, you can again 'remove' with the 'headache remover'.

~ then again, that is all in my imagination... i really should get back to rest now... and suffer the full wrath of my headache... {T.T}

p/s: i always refuse to take panadols during my headaches... i don't know why... maybe is coz im afraid that when i really do get really painful headaches, my brain might not react to it if i use it everytime?
pp/s: hrm... then how do i know when is the most painful headaches... swt...

Long Time

2008-07-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

~ it has been a very very long time since i last blogged. i don't really have any idea why so... it is not that i do not have anything to blog about. in fact i have lots of things... but i just do not have the mood to blog about them. wonder why... hrm... it seems that for the past few months, when ever something worth blogging about occured, and the urge to blog about it finally come, the feeling always seemed to fade away the instance i reach home... haih... then, i will just shrug it off and say to myself, "no need blog la, so sien nia..." =.=

~ today i just came back from bon odori. a japanese festival celebrated in malaysia. alot of people told me alot of different details about this annual festival. alot of them contradicts each other but the essence of it is that it is an annual festival celebrated by japanese expatriates in malaysia.

~ this bon odori seems to be very popular among malaysians - chinese and malays alike (funny though, there don't seem to be any indians there... wonder why... or maybe its just that i did not look hard enough or there are just freaking ALOT of people there...) alot of those who went to the festival wore the yukata (summer version for kimono as the kimono is too think for summer wear) and honestly speaking, alot of them actually look good in it o.O' i mean, when non japanese people wore yukata (hint hint, ah liens who try their best to look japanese...) you would expect them to look wierd in it but... but maybe those who went actually have the looks for yukata or something but they all actually look very demure, pretty and beautiful (for those who are wondering, pretty and beautiful means different thing, look up the dictionary @.@!)!

~ anyways, going to this festival brought back old memories when i was in japan. the times when i wore the traditional japanese costume for guys and went to similar summer festivals with my female friends who look oh so good in their pretty yukatas just kept on flashing back in my mind... it really made me wanna go back to japan again ASAP!!! but yeah, who am i kidding, i won't be leaving malaysia for anywhere anytime soon... it would be a good 10 years+ before i can go abroad again... *calculations: 2 years to finish med school + 5 years government service + 5 years for post grad... T.T* but i really do wish to go back to JAPAN!!! sob sob... one day lah... one day... for the time being, i'll just have to be happy at where i am...

p/s: took a picture with two cute looking girls who dressed up in cosplay maid costume which is very popular in japan

Bleeding Love

2008-05-13T02:53:00.000-07:00

Closed off from love

I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melts into the ground

Found something true

And everyone's looking round

Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that the goal

Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness

I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

*sometimes, songs expresses your feelings the best...

THE Day...

2008-05-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

~ today is THE day...

~ i really do not know what to say... how to react... i can't sleep... its 3am... i need to wake up at 6am... i need to study for my exam... i CAN'T... my head hurts, my eyes hurt... they can't stop hurting coz my heart hurts...

~ god help...

*i wish you all the best... i really do...

Awkwardness...

2008-04-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

~ thats what happened just now... i met her again... after so long... all this while, there were only messages, calls, msn... but we actually met up just now... in a way, both of us were anticipating the short meeting... she talked about the things she would do to me for all the nasty teases i always teased her with... i'm quite sure both of us were looking forward to it... maybe alot for me and only very little tiny itsy bit for her... but i guess, either way, the outcome wasn't one we expected...

~ oh man, i can tell you, the awkwardness just totally shredded my heart to pieces all over again... we were lost for words... nothing seemed right... pleasentries were the only things we could manage... the glimmer that i always see in her eyes before this when she sees me if i ever visit her in kl is no longer there... there was nothing... nothing except THAT awkwardness...

~ i know that we are just friends now, but, that awkwardness just hurts alot... surprisingly, it hurts alot... more than i ever expected it could ever be...

* i'm seriously very tired of all this sad feelings... i dreaded them... i hate them... i really wish to just take it all and just throw it away so that i will never have to feel it again... i really wish to just move on... i do... I SERIOUSLY DO!!! but WHY??? why can't i??? i tried really really hard, harder than anyone can ever imagine... harder than she would ever ever need to in her entire life time... but why...
** can someone just come by and save me from this... can someone please???!!!

Goodwill Games

2008-04-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

~ every year, around this time, there will be this day where juniors get to show their displeasure at their seniors and trash them terribly in every single sports event. this is when the juniors are BETTER than their seniors... where seniors are only senior in name... this faithful day, on the contrary of the whole situation, is called - albiet abit of subtle scarsm - the Goodwill Games...

~ this year, as a freshman in seremban, i was recruited to represent our humble clinical school in basketball and darts... and you should see the determination in me back then to make a difference this year in Goodwill Games... this year, i said, seremban is gonna win for a change!!! yeah, idiot, thats right, make a fool of yourself with that foolish unguided comment... seesh, what was i thinking la... i walked to our basketball court with a gungho full of confidence just to see it crumble and wash down the drain when i see a team of all stars power players, hand-picked from all semester 5 and below here to teach their seniors some humility... even my ex batch basketball captain is in their team (he is doing bmed for the time being so he is considered part of the bukit jalil team... yeah, pitch teammates against teammates eh!!! great idea IMU!!!)... we tried our best, but no matter what we do, it is just no match for the all star team... we got 'bungkus'ed with a 20+ points different... and that was just because they were nice and were using this match to practice their positions and strategies for their upcoming annual intervarsity basketball competition... i bet their usual friendlies would have provided much better resistance than us la... haih

~ but things look bright for us in darts, we won darts... although at least this event we were expected to win, considering that this time around, it is us that have the better players. tell you, if we were to also lose this event, i might as well just fall dead on the spot back there... haih... erm, apart from darts, we also won badminton, and woman's volleyball!!! yeah!!! finally, there really is a difference!!! (we lost and got 'bungkus'ed in every single event for time immemorable...) and at the time i'm blogging this, there are still events going on, sports being contested, hopes beign squashed and medals to be won... i truly hope that this year around, seremban will be able to made a significant impression on the bukit jalil contingent... hey, we aren't just hopelessly unfit medical students you know ;p there are still part of us that can do some serious trashing ya!!! (yeah, keep telling myself that... and maybe one day it might come true... hahahaha)

Exam: End Of Posting (The After-thoughts)

2008-04-25T23:51:00.000-07:00

~ finally the exam is over. but not without some drama that came along with it. first of all, during my exam, which i am needed to clerk and do physical examination on any patient the examiner chose for me, my patient bunked out on me 20 minutes into the exam. i heard from seniors that it happens once in a while but i did not expect it to happen to me... sweat... hrm, but it goes like this: i walked up to my appointed patient and start introducing myself and clerking him. after a while, he told me he needed to use the toilet (he defeacates 50, yes 'fifty', times a day due to his disease). so of course i waited while he uses the washroom. but after 10 minutes, when he finally came back, he looked agigated... *well, i fully understand his agigation, i mean, who would not feel stressed out when you go to toilet every 10 - 20 minutes???!!!* but when he came back, he looked at me with anger and told me literally to buzz off and leave him alone... sic... even the doctors who were nearby doing their ward rounds look in our direction; seniors who happened to be around looked at me sympathetically, fully understanding my predicament. knowing that i am not suppose to force the patient (i mean, show me a guy who can have the heart to force this poor soul to let him continue his clerking and finish his physical examination... he looks like a total wreck...) i hastely went over to the examiner and told him what happened. he looked surprised, (i think shock would better describe his sudden lost of words) and quickly went about finding me a new patient. in the end, he found me a patient that was just warded in the night before and is abit off my syllabus this semester (its still part of our syllabus for surgical posting but we will only go in depth on it in semester 9; i'm in semester 6). well, in the end, i think i did pretty well. decent enough to pass thats for sure. but i surely do hope that i get some good grades for my fresh start in seremban. haha, this is the first time i ever hope to get some decent grades apart from just passing ;p

~ on the other hand... something sad happened to my friend... i will not disclose it here in my blog for i think it is an extremely sensitive matter. anyways, i just wish to wish him all the best and that always remember that you are not alone. there is always us, your friends around. god bless you...

Exam: End Of Posting (Random Thoughts 1 Day Before The D Day)

2008-04-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

~ my surgical posting is at its end. and hence, its time for exam again. this will be my first time taking an exam in the clinical school. although i have heard alot about it, it is still very scary...

~ not much mood to blog much... hahaha, so totally different from the old me who blogged even more when exam periods are near... sigh...

~ can't wait for tomorrow to be over. then its time to rest abit, practice for goodwill's game and then on to my next posting: Internal Medicine...

~ i promised myself that i will start doing sports in my next posting, albeit it being the heaviest and hardest posting of all in this semester... but discipline is needed. i want to be back in shape again. basketball every alternate days and weights in between. hopefully, i will have the discipline to pull this through...

p/s: quite a touching post you have there hamster, wonder if anyone will blog bout me in that way... keep up your good work, it will bring wonders ;p

20 Romantic Things To Do In Small Spaces

2008-04-19T00:47:00.000-07:00

~ the title said it all ;p

1. Go through revolving doors together

2. Take a road trip in a VW "Love Bug"

3. Have silly pictures of the two of you taken in a photo booth

4. Join her in the dressing room while lingerie shopping

5. Make love in restroom aboard a plane in flight

6. Relax together in a Jacuzzi

7. Make love in a closet at a friend's party

8. Sleep spoon-style in a single bed

9. Squeeze into phone booths together

10. Camp-out in a tent together

11. Make love in the back seat of a car

12. Travel in a train's sleeper car

13. Attend movie theaters that have "loveseats"

14. Sit side-by-side in booths at little diners

15. Make love in an elevator

16. Go on vacation aboard an RV

17. Hold a picnic in a tree fort

18. Make love in the back of a limousine

19. Take a relaxing bubble bath together

20. Make love in a sleeping bag

Mungkin Nanti ~ Peter Pan

2008-04-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

~ it is a very old song by a very famous indonesian band called peter pan; mungkin nanti, a really emo song that brings back old memories... my own personal theme song during my 1st break up with the 1st girl that entered my life. its ironic though, that now, i am actually returning to the song again to find solace...

~ the song has really deep meanings. although all songs have their own hidden meanings and interpretations, but it seems that this song particulary rings a bell that resonates perfectly with how i feel right now...

Munkin Nanti (maybe, someday)

Sahajaku berkata (Now is the time for me to say this)

Mungkin yang terakhir kalinya (maybe for the last time)

Sudahlah lepaskan semua (It's over, let go of everything)

Ku yakin inilah waktunya (I'm sure this is the right time)

Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi (Maybe you are not who u used to be)

Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi (Maybe that feeling is gone)

Reff:Dan mungkin bila nanti (and maybe someday)

Kita kan bertemu lagi (if we ever meet again)

Satu pintaku jangan kau coba (i only ask one thing)

Tanyakan kembali (don't you try to ask for that feeling)

Rasa yang kutinggal mati (the feeling that i have let to die away)

Seperti hari kemarin (just like yesterday)

Saat semua di sini (when everything was here)

Dan bila hatimu termenung (and when your heart is contemplating)

Bangun dari mimpi-mimpimu (awaken from your dreams)

Membuka hatimu yang dulu (opening your heart)

Cerita saat bersamaku (to the pages when you were with me)

Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi (maybe you are not who u used to be)

Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi (maybe that feeling is gone)

Bridge:Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi (there is not need for you to ask again)

Simpan untukmu sendiri (keep it all to yourself)

Semua sesal yang kau cari (all the regret you brought upon yourself)

Semua rasa yang kau beri (all the feelings you have given)

Disappointed...

2008-04-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

~ disappointed... kokoro ga kurushi yo... hontou ni kurushi... i really do not know how to describe it in any other way... through japanese is the only way i can correctly describe how my heart feels rite now... the amount of disappointment i am feeling right now, it can crush me with pure heart ache alone...

~ sometimes i wonder why is all this happening to me... sometimes i tell myself god has something planned for me and that i should not fret or be angry or dissapointed... sometimes i tell myself that this might all be a bad dream, not a nightmare but just a bad dream, thats all... sometimes i ask myself what have i done to deserve all these? karma? retribution? what did i do?

~ one revelation comes after another... all dealing blow after blow to my already wounded fragile heart... i wonder how much more can i take before it breaks completely never to be healed again... why do all these have to happen one at a time and always at a time when i am about to forget and move on? WHY?!

~ i feel like an idiot... what have you done to me?!...

Life Is So Fragile

2008-03-31T00:54:00.000-07:00

~ today, once again, i was shown how fragile life is... how short, how unpredictable... how sad... my condolences to Dr.K and family (i am only using his initials for privacy purposes). it has been some time since anybody i know passed away... and to think he is still so young; so full of energy, dreams left unacomplished... such a promising doctor...

~ he was the first doctor to help me out during my very first few ward rounds. at the time when we were just following the 'pakar's, m.o.s and h.o.s aimlessly, he was the first to acknowledge our presence and gave us our first permission to do physical examination when he is doing his round and report to him our findings... it might sound like nothing much, but for a medical student who has never followed any ward rounds before and still fresh and new to the daunting environment called wards, it means alot... his sincerity helped nudge us to take our first step forward...

~ to say it is fate that such a young doctor passed is as much as an insult to the karma system that we always talk about as it is a subtle hint that no one's life is protected from the dangers of our daily activities... he was tired... on call for the whole weekend; working late into the night; doing his rounds early in the morning... such long hours of work... he was tired when he was finally free to return home... so tired that... god bless... may he rest in peace...

p/s: i am planning to wear black tomorrow...

Internet Connection Up And Running!!!

2008-03-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

~ yes!!! finally, the internet connection is up and running!!! sigh, it has been so long since i last get to online so smoothly... no inconsistent conncetions that causes my webpages to load only half of what the page has to offer ;p gwahwahwa, now this means that i get to online everyday!!! *evil LAUGH* but then again, not like i got alot of time to online oso... everyday so busy, come back from hospital only barely enough energy left to drag me into the bathroom to bathe and hurl myself onto my bed... seremban is tiring!!!

~ now i can update my blog!!! finally!!! it is super duper uber hard for me to describe the frustration i get whenever i log into blogger using my library's connection and try to post a post just to have this window saying 'unable to connect' greeting me smugly every single time... GRR!!! i have lost count of the things that i wanted to blog about and there is no point trying to recollect those thoughts... and the fact that most of the things i wanted to blog about were sad just makes me want to forget it even more... haih... life is hard isn't it?

~ so welcome me back internet!!! and internet, welcome back ;p

Background Picture

2008-03-01T09:03:00.000-08:00

~ haih... blogger has changed their html format to xml and alot of the formats have changed... in the end, now i have trouble uploading a picture my pharmacy friend drawn for me... it is such a nice pic to be made a background. currently i am using it as my laptop's windows' background.

~ i've been trying upload that particular image as background for the past few days and it has till now been a futile effort... this is so so so frustrating... i really hope that there will be someone who can help me out here... its practically driving me crazy wei... grr!!! been searching the web for some tutorials in putting an image up as background using the xml format but all the websites only offer html format... HOW!!!??? seesh, wonder what makes blogger want to change from html to xml neh?

~ really hope that i can figure out how to make this thing work... if not i will have trouble concentrating on my studies... gonna spend most of my time thinking bout how to upload it as my background man...

* special friend to my pharmacy friend FISH and my bestest HAMSTER friend for helping me decorate my blog ;p THANKS!!!

What Should I Do Today??

2008-02-27T20:33:00.000-08:00

~ woke up at 11am today with nothing to do... its funny that everytime after a breakup, you will find that you have more than enough time to do alot of things... alot of time - too much in a way... maybe its just a feeling; maybe its just because you just have a lot less to do compared to your couple lifestyle... whichever it is, having 'too' much time at hand doesn't help one bit... it makes you feel lonely, gives you too much time to think of the sad things, irrelevant things, stupid things, crazy things... you get the idea...

~ what should i do today neh? should i go to sunway pyramid? or the pavillion? or 1 utama? or do something crazy like going up genting or cameron highland? *looks out the window* the dark black moody clouds are starting to cover the sky... seems like today i'm doomed to stay at home (i'm bunking at my friend's place in vista now...) and bore myself to death... grr...

Starting Afresh

2008-02-27T08:24:00.000-08:00

~ as of today, this will be my new blog. i hope that with this new blog and my renewed interest in blogging, i will be able to blog my sorrows, my pain, my loneliness, my sadness and my sad memorries away... hopping really really hard and working really really hard to bring a fresh breath of air into my staleful life; hoping that by venting my frustration and grieve in this blog, i can once again stand up on my own - to start afresh if possible...

~ it has been a long time since i last blogged. i wonder if i can still remember how it feels like... i wonder if i can blog coherently after all the things i have went through... i hope i can... i reli hope i can. whether my blog will have any visitors i am not sure - of coz, a visitor now and then with their wiseful comments will definately help alot... but will they come?

~ all things said, lets just hope that i can start afresh; let it all be new!